Humor · Reblogged

Lions and tigers and ticks, oh my!

Drinking Tips for Teens

Say hello to my little friend.

If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, is it because everyone’s afraid they’re going to get lyme disease? Probably. This summer, the tiniest of insects are public enemy number one and people are avoiding the woods in droves.

Good! There were too many people in the woods anyway, especially in those stupid droves of theirs. When I go to the woods, people are the last people I want to see. So thank you, deer ticks.

Everyone’s afraid of tick-borne lyme disease this summer, even people whose only exposure to the woods has been photographs in Sport Illustrated’s 2013 pinecone-themed swimsuit edition. (Favourite portfolio: “Strapless But Not Sapless.”)

That’s because lyme disease is this year’s Ebola scare, which was 2014’s H1N1 scare, which was 2009’s West Nile virus scare, which had a good run there from…

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