Fear and loathing in auto repair

Drinking Tips for Teens

Beyoncé gets it.

Dear Mr. Murray,

As requested, we have given your automobile a thorough inspection and are pleased to report to you our findings.

In a nutshell – or as we mechanics like to say, “in a DIN 6923 swivel flange nut” (ha-ha!) – you have made the fundamental mistake that 9 out of 10 drivers make: you have driven your car.

Over 85 percent of mechanical problems in cars are the result of using your car in such a way that it transports you (or, in other cases, family members or, in other other cases, members of an international drug cartel) from one destination to another.

The other 15 percent of mechanical problems, incidentally, are caused by nesting vermin (wasps, mice, Fox News executives, etc.).

Driving your car results in extensive wear and degradation of your motor vehicle. There can be several contributing factors:

  • road surface bumpiness
  • air-stream…

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